So its been a while since i've done one of these.
Let’s do a recap
After a year living in LA I decide i hate it there moved back to nyc
Only to be reminded why I left, I hate it here too.
At least in LA, booze was cheap, weed was easy to get and amazing and I had a fuck buddy.
Sure, all my friends and family were in NYC and I miss them occasionally, but ever since I’ve come back.
I can’t stand most of them shit I can’t stand being around people in general, in Cali I rarely went out. The only time I did were for grocery shopping, movies, work and jogging.
i was trapped in a small room with a small window….now i am back and my mind is still stuck back there. I keep thinking being back in nyc is a dream and i am just going to wake up back in Cali to be honest it wouldn’t be so bad in my opinion.
You live in hell, so long you get used to it, coming back to something normal feels weird.
It’s also hard to give a fuck about anything anymore, when everything i gave a fuck about failed in the last year.
Love, work and dreams are burned away into ashes and now I suppose to come and start all over?
In a town I know holds nothing more for me but death?
idk why I came back, more and more as each day passes by I keep asking myself this.
I wanna care again, but I’ve drunk so much whiskey i feel like ive burned away most of those emotions.
It’s easy to not care, then care because attach a weight to your heart and when shit goes wrong you feel that wieght drop and smash your heart to pieces.
so what is my next step?
I really dont fucking know any more, a part of me just wants to sell everything I don’t need and just hit the road, go every where and no where and find a purpsoe or somewhere I belong.
Right now I hate the look everyone keeps giving me, the what are you gonna do with your life next look?
idk stop asking
running low on booze once again, fuck this town too